


Retrieval

by ParadoxRose



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: D-Listers are full of salt, Even they haven't heard about Cosmo, Gen, I want to post what I have so far, Snark, Sneaking, WIP, idk how to tag this, something the characters aren't good at
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 17:30:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxRose/pseuds/ParadoxRose
Summary: Three of Batman's lesser-known foes are hired to steal incriminating documents for the head of a company. It sounds cliche but the three foes get along like three spoons thrown in a blender, loud and destructive and possibly going to whack whoever tries to stop it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is written with my personal designs and headcanons for the characters. If you don't like it, that's fine, but instead of sending hate please tell me how I can improve. Enjoy!

‘Misfits’ was a term used for the group of Batman’s enemies that were below the alternatively named ‘Rogues’, a term much friendlier than being called D-list. There were things that Misfits were used to that Rogues weren’t, and vice versa. For example; Rogues were used to being drugged and waking up in a place they had never been before. Drury Walker, however, wasn’t accustomed to it.

He sat up with a grunt, rubbing the back of his neck. He couldn’t feel any drugs in his system, thank god, just a painful bump on the back of his head.

“Ow.” Drury groaned. When he heard an amused sound to his left, he looked around and was greeted with the most saturated blue he had ever seen on a person’s head.

“Welcome to the land of the living.” Cosmo Krank greeted. The Toymaker sat in a chair at the far wall, his feet propped up on another. Drury was about to ask what was going on when a panicked sound came from his right.

“Where’s my helmet?!”

On his hands and knees was the third of their little group, searching frantically like Velma Dinkley in the old cartoons whenever she lost her glasses.

“And…who the heck is this?” Cosmo craned his neck back to see. The guy’s head snapped up, squinting at them, and Drury realised that his Velma joke might have been insensitive towards a blind guy.

“Wait a sec,” Drury pulled himself to his feet, “That you, Quilt?” Crazy Quilt frowned for a second, before he blinked.

“Moth?” He held up his hand and Walker helped him to his feet, “What are you doing here? Where’s my helmet?” He looped back to his previous question, and Drury shrugged.

“I don’t know.” He turned around to Cosmo, “What are we doing here?”

“If I find out I’ll be sure to let you know.” Cosmo replied with an exaggerated shrug.

“Who’s that?” Paul questioned, still holding Drury’s arm as if he might hit something by accident.

“Toyman.” Drury supplied, and immediately Cosmo jumped up on top of his chair in anger.

“Excuse me!? I’m Toy _maker_ , not Toy _man_!” He shouted, “That little psychopath can stay in Metropolis where he belongs, ripping off more ideas!” Drury didn’t say anything, a little stunned by the sudden outburst. Cosmo crossed his arms indignantly and dropped back down into his seat.

“Okay…Toymaker.” Drury said slowly. He looked around; the three of them were in an office, a rather large and flashy one at that. Someone certainly liked to flaunt their cash. The wooden desk was pitiful in comparison, but the big leather swivel chair behind it looked like a deranged office throne.

“Are you done with introductions?” The swivel chair turned around, revealing a thin man in a suit. Drury snorted.

“Did he just…?” Paul snickered.

“Yep.” Drury confirmed. The two of them burst into laughter, and Cosmo grinned.

“What?” The man frowned, looking confused.

“I can’t believe you did a movie entrance.” Cosmo remarked.

“And people call us dramatic.” Paul laughed. When the laughter had finally died down, the man in the chair cleared his throat.

“If you’re _done_ ,” His face was a little red out of embarrassment, “My name is Alan Brant. I was the one that had you brought here.”

“Clearly.” Cosmo commented.

“Shush.” Drury told him before looking back to Brant, “How come?”

“I have something I need you three to do for me.” Brant stood up, now looking even more unimpressive than before, “There’s been some recent evidence towards my company’s more…questionable activities, and I was hoping you could retrieve said evidence.”

Paul turned his head towards Drury.

“He sounds like Daggett.” He remarked quietly, and Drury nodded.

“I’m sure as hell not getting turned into a muck monster.” He muttered back.

“Excuse me.” Brant interjected, annoyed.

“You’re excused.” Cosmo replied with a smile, and Brant glared.

“Why are you asking us? Do we look like delivery boys to you?” Drury crossed his arms, and Brant shrugged as he brushed back his unflattering haircut.

“You’re used to committing crimes, you won’t attract as much attention as some of the more well-known weirdos in this city, and more importantly, there’s less chance that it’ll be traced back to _me_.”

“Where’s my helmet?” Paul interrupted quickly, and Brant looked at him.

“When I had you brought here, I had any weapons you had on you left behind. I didn’t want-“

“You didn’t want to get hurt.” Drury finished, and pouted mockingly, “The poor baby.” Cosmo smiled again, and Brant’s glare returned.

“I will pay you for your services.” He told them, tone clipped. Paul put his hands on his hips and turned his head towards the other two.

“He can afford to bring us here but he can’t afford a better ripoff Suicide Squad.”

Drury cracked up again.

“Would you STOP IT?” Brant shouted, sounding like a whiny brat having a tantrum, “My company is one of WayneTech’s biggest competitors-“

“I’m in.” Cosmo said immediately. Drury looked at him.

“And I can’t afford to lose what I’ve built!” Brant continued, “You can either help me or I’ll have you three thrown in jail immediately!”

“I haven’t done anything.” Drury deadpanned.

“I _can’t_ do anything.” Paul added, waving his own hand in front of his face pointedly.

“The police will believe what I tell them. They aren’t as understanding as I am.” Brant tried a smile, but it honestly looked like he was in pain. He fell silent, allowing them to think it over. Drury frowned. He didn’t really feel like running an errand, much less one for this toothpick, but it was quick cash and he didn’t have much planned anyway.

Drury looked at Paul.

“Quilt, you got any plans?”

“None that I can think of.” Paul turned his head to Drury in response, “What about Garfield?”

“We’re not doing anything. I’ll tell him before I go.” Drury shrugged.

“All three of us.” Cosmo confirmed, and looked at Brant, “You should be honoured.”

“Why?” Brant raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t ask Scarecrow or Poison Ivy.” Paul’s jaw dropped a little, and Drury sucked in a breath as he shook his head.

“Low blow.”

“Good.” Brant replied, and sat back in his chair, “I’ve already had the address sent to you, and you’re expected back before the end of the week. Now get out.”

Without needing to be told twice Cosmo jumped up and went to the door, opening it wide.

“You don’t like Wayne, huh?” Drury questioned as he walked past him, Paul gripping his shoulder.

“Don’t get me started.” Cosmo scowled.


	2. Chapter 2

They’d stopped at Quilt’s on the way.

Drury had almost kicked Toymaker out of taxi. The guy just would not stop making jokes. The only reason he hadn’t was because he was occupied with making sure Paul made it back home safely.

“You okay?” Drury opened the door to Paul’s home, an old art studio.

“Yep.” Paul replied shortly, his free hand feeling around.

“Need help sitting down?”

“I’m blind, not eighty-three.”

Once Paul found a chair, he was able to slide into it, and his expression immediately soured.

“Find the helmet.”

Drury nodded and looked around. Cosmo was leaning against the doorway, glancing around the room.

“So, I guess we’re working together.” Cosmo smiled, “What team bonding activity are we going to do first?”

“I can’t _see_.” Paul snapped, “ _That’s_ your activity.” Cosmo pulled a face before walking forward and kneeling down.

“Found it.”

Drury followed Cosmo’s gaze and pulled the bronze-coloured helmet out from the gap between the couch and the recliner. Even as he was handing it over Paul snatched it away as if it were food offered to a starving man.

“Thank god.”

Drury sat on the arm of the couch as Paul put the helmet on, slowly readjusting it to fix the circuitry’s connection to his brain. Cosmo sat cross-legged on the floor. Paul sighed in relief, indicating that his vision had returned.

“It’s good to see you again.” Paul joked, looking at Drury, and Moth smiled. Paul looked at Cosmo, who waved warmly, and Quilt frowned.

“Oh, god, I think my helmet’s broken.” Paul said, pressing his hands to the side of it, “His hair can’t possibly be such an atrocious blue, can it?” Drury laughed and Cosmo pretended to be offended.

“You look worse than I do.”

“I do not.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve seen you on the news, did you have that helmet _off_ when you made your costume?”

Paul turned his nose up in genuine offence before glaring at Drury.

“Stop laughing!”

Drury was too busy laughing to reply.

“Well who taught you how to match colours, you tacky green and orange Mothman cosplayer.”

Drury stopped laughing, but Cosmo cackled.

“You think Mothman isn’t cool?”

“Not the way you wear him.” Paul retorted.

“I thought we were going after shortstack over there.” Drury pointed accusingly, and Cosmo held up his hands.

“Oh no please, continue.” Cosmo told him, then grinned, “Mothman.” Paul chuckled, and Drury locked eyes with Cosmo as he said his next sentence.

“That is not an insult.”

“Good, because now I’m not calling you anything else.”

Drury smiled widely. Paul smiled as well, head propped up on his hand and one leg crossed over the other.

“Speaking of which,” Paul interjected before anyone could tease anyone else, “Do you actually have a name, or do we have to call you Toymaker all of the time?’ Cosmo stood up, strutted over, and held out his hand.

“Cosmo Krank. Pleased to meet you.” The way he introduced himself was almost as if he were a businessman at a meeting, “And you?” Drury spoke first, sitting on the couch arm again.

“My name is Cameron.”

“Liar.”

“Van Cleer.”

“Still lying.”

“Well I don’t want to tell him my name! If the man dyed his hair that colour he obviously doesn’t have good judgement.”

“Are we starting this again?” Cosmo questioned.

“Everyone knows your name, Drury, it’s not a secret.” Paul reasoned, and Drury rolled his eyes. Cosmo looked at Paul.

“And how about you?”

The other two were quiet.

“His name’s Paul.” Drury provided quickly.

“Bivolo.” Paul muttered. Cosmo looked confused.

“Bivolo? Isn’t he in Central City? One of Flash’s guys?”

Quilt didn’t say anything, but there was a definitely unfriendly look on his face, angry even.

“We don’t talk about him.” Drury told Cosmo as he walked around him, and walked out another door. Cosmo still looked confused, but he didn’t press it.

“So why did the cheap suit choose us?” He questioned, “Not that I don’t enjoy sticking it to Brucey-boy, but there are a bunch of other crooks that aren’t the A-listers.”

“He did say he didn’t want to attract attention.” Paul suggested, “We wouldn’t cause as much damage as, say, Magpie or Mr Polka Dot.”

“Huh?” Drury piped up as he walked back into the room, carrying a party size bag of chips.

“Polka Dot.” Paul repeated, turning his head.

“Oh, him.” Drury grimaced, “Yeesh. I never liked him.”

“No one really does.” Paul agreed, leaning over to put his hand in the bag, “No one likes being beaten to death with a bat.”

“This is a weird city.” Cosmo remarked, shaking his head.

“Are you from Metropolis or something?” Drury asked, dropping onto the sofa.

“Take your disgusting boots off my furniture, you animal.” Paul scolded. Drury rolled his eyes and pulled his feet off the cushions and onto the floor.

“No.” Cosmo jumped onto the sofa to cash in on the free snack, “But I do visit other places from time to time, and I’m not as active as Picasso over here.” He gestured to a canvas in the corner leant against the wall, partially painted.

“That is a future masterpiece.” Paul defended, and his eyes narrowed, “Criticize again and I’ll dig out your heart with a paintbrush.” Cosmo’s eyes widened, and he shut up. Drury smiled as he held the bag towards the man on his right again.

“How is Garfield, by the way?” Paul asked conversationally, as if he hadn’t just threatened one of his guests with an extremely gory death.

“Same as always.”

“I’ve never met him in person, remember?” Paul reminded him.

“He did murder the toaster.” Drury continued.

“Another one? I swear, that man needs a babysitter.”

Drury held up his hands in an obvious gesture to himself, and Paul chuckled.

“Are we actually going to do this?” Cosmo started speaking again, glancing briefly at Paul, “None of us really have breaking-and-entering on our résumés.”

“Speak for yourself.” Paul and Drury replied flatly.

“I’m the odd one out here.” Cosmo mused, “Nothing unusual there.”

“Please change your hair colour.” Paul told him.

“Never.” Cosmo smiled.

“All we have to do is grab our gear, maybe meet back here, and go to the address.” Drury planned in between every few chips, “Get the toothpick what he wants, then run like hell.”

“Always a good end to a plan.” Cosmo remarked, and popped another chip in his mouth. The three of them fell silent for a few minutes, Drury and Cosmo scarfing down chips while Paul was a little more restrained.

“He didn’t say we had to go right now.” Paul said.

“We have until the end of the week.” Drury agreed.

“That’s about three or four days, isn’t it?” Cosmo finished, “We can go tomorrow.”

“Right.”

“Right.”


End file.
